Children are self-confident when they have confidence in their own judgment or ability. Those who are self-confident also tend to have high self-esteem and much self-respect. Using a technique popular in neuro-linguistic programming, children can feed their confidence in times of need to help them overcome doubts in their abilities.
Ask the children to remember a time when they felt very confident and picture the scene in bright close up with vivid colors, intensifying the sounds and smells associated with it. They should only see the scene as they saw it then – as opposed to viewing it from above like an external ‘all-seeing’ observer – so that they are strongly associating with themselves in that scene.
Once the scene is recalled in full and they feel as confident as they did at the time, they should create an ‘anchor’ by saying to themselves, ‘I feel incredibly confident’, and assign a discreet physical gesture while saying it – one that they can feel free to use without fear of others noticing. This could be touching their hand to their thigh, closing forefinger and thumb to form an ‘O’, squeezing their fingers together or bending their thumb to meet their palm.
Next, the anchor needs to be well established by regularly ‘firing it’- recalling the memory in full and making their discreet gesture at the peak of the intensity of the memory while saying, ‘I feel incredibly confident.’
When children need to feel confident – for performing in a play or in standing up for them – they can ‘fire’ their confidence anchor. This can change the outcome of the event to one of success rather than failure, allowing them to feel more positive about themselves and more in control of their lives and their future.
Activity 1
Guide the children through the steps to create and establish an anchor for confidence. If they don’t have a personal memory, they could think of a character from a book such as Harry or Hermione in the Harry Potter series or a character from a film or electronic role-play game (such as Final Fantasy) and carefully select a scene that shows the character in a very confident position. For example, Harry feels very confident when his Patronus spell keeps away the Dementors {Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban), or when he is playing Quidditch and he’s the best at catching the Golden Snitch. Hermione is very confident when she identifies the plant that binds Harry and Ron in a deadly grasp as Devil’s Snare {Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone) and spins a spell to make the plant release its grip.
Encourage the children to ‘fire’ their anchor as often as they can over the next few days – and then try to call it up at a time when their confidence needs boosting. See if they notice the difference.
Activity 2
Ask the children to select memories for positive feelings such as happy, brave, or friendly and outgoing. They should give each memory or fictional scene the same treatment, with the exception of the discreet physical gesture and phrase they choose to use. These should be specific to that feeling. For example, if they choose a memory or scene that depicts them, or a character, as brave, they should say, ‘I am extremely brave’, while assigning a different discreet physical gesture to the one used previously.
Children can store many positive anchors for many different positive feelings and use them for protection when they feel vulnerable and to help them reach their goals.
